Relationships Over Rules

I keep it because it captures everything I believe about teaching – and everything this blog post is really about. Our children might forget the instructions we give, the lessons we teach, or the behaviour charts we put in place, but they never forget how we made them feel in our classrooms.

To make each and every student feel that they belong – that they are safe to be themselves, to show their quirks, to stumble, to shine – and know that they will be appreciated, respected, and celebrated by you and their peers… that is the most precious gift we can give as a teacher.

A positive classroom isn’t built through rules; it’s built through relationships. Through connection. Through creating spaces where children feel emotionally safe, seen, and valued. When that happens, behaviour isn’t a battle, it becomes a natural outcome of feeling secure, understood and accepted.

Below are some of the strategies I’ve found most powerful for creating a supportive learning environment where every child feels safe, valued, and ready to learn.

Build Relationships First

Connect before you do anything else—no matter how busy your morning is. If you skip this step, you’ll likely feel the impact before break time. Children learn best when they feel seen and understood, so make connection your number one priority.

• Greet each child individually—use their name, smile, offer a quick check-in.
  
• Learn what motivates them, what worries them, and what makes them laugh.
  
• Use positive language that reinforces their strengths and effort.

I always gave my younger students alliterative nicknames—Sensational Stacey, Delightful Daisy—which doubled as a literacy tool. They felt like superheroes… and behaved like them too. Children rise to the expectations we set—so make those expectations joyful and empowering.

A classroom rooted in trust will always have fewer behavioural challenges.

Set Clear, Consistent Expectations

Consistency gives children security. When children know what to expect and where the boundaries lie, they feel more in control and more able to succeed.

• Keep rules simple, visual, and woven into classroom culture.
  
• Model expected behaviour – a calm voice, active listening, respectful choices.
  
• Use routines to reduce anxiety: morning starters, tidy-up rhythms, transition cues.
  

Clear expectations create freedom, not restriction.

Catch Them Being Good

This was one of the best tips I ever received as a new teacher with a very challenging student  and I continue to use it daily, both at home and in school. Positive reinforcement is far more effective than constant correction.

• Narrate positive behaviour: “I can see you’re trying really hard to stay focused which is fantastic.”
  
• Use specific praise: “You shared the scissors so kindly – thank you.”
  
• Notice quiet successes, especially from pupils who often struggle.

This builds confidence and reinforces the behaviours you want to see more of. Just be mindful: some students prefer private praise; quiet celebrations can be more meaningful.

Stay Calm & Regulate Yourself

Our emotional state sets the tone for the entire room so model what you expect to see from them.

• Breathe before responding. Try modelling this aloud: “I’m feeling frustrated, so I’m going to take five deep breaths.”
  
• Use neutral language (e.g., expected or unexpected behaviour) and avoid lecturing or raising your voice.
  
• Step back if you need time. There is no loss of authority in pausing before reacting. Choose your response carefully.

Children are still learning to self-regulate, especially in primary school. Let them borrow your calm while they learn to grow their own.

Final Thought

Over the years, I’ve learned that a positive classroom is not a quiet classroom – it’s a safe space to learn and grow. It’s a place where children feel they belong, where mistakes are part of the journey and where every child gets a fresh start each day. It is a space where, no matter what, the teacher meets them with kindness, patience, and empathy. It is, always, about relationships over rules. 

So the message is simple: Lead with your heart, so you leave an imprint on theirs. 

Connect first and the rest will fall into place. And when they leave your classroom after a year, let the way they felt in your care resonate in their body, mind, and soul. They may talk about you for years to come – not because you taught them long division or how to punctuate dialogue, but because you truly saw them… and loved them for exactly who they were.

They may not remember what you said, but they will absolutely remember how you made them feel.

Do any of these resonate with you? Are any new to you; how about giving them a try?

I’d love to hear from you about what’s working in your classroom! Contact me here.